It’s not me. It’s you.

Let’s set the record straight.

I’ll be the first to admit that I can be a difficult person to deal with and there are many contributing factors to why I am single. I am a firm believer that most women are at least a little bit crazy and take things far beyond where they need to go. Whether it be our over-analyitical brainpower: criticizing every miniscule detail about his every word, reaction or lack there of… or our creative imaginations running wild within our minds: using our assumptions to generate false hopes and expectations within the relationships at hand… Every girl’s had a screw or two loose (or completely missing) from time to time.

 HOWEVER-with that said, I do not understand why men use these stereotypes as an excuse to be idiots and assholes. For as much as they complain that women are “dramatic” or “assumptive,” they should really take a moment to see that they are living in glass houses…

Exhibit A: last Friday night, a large group of my friends went out. A guy with whom I have mutual friends (let’s call him “Al” for the sake of keeping things anonymous) was part of this group. I’ve known Al for about a year, give or take and I’ve been around him at numerous social events throughout this time. Due to our overlapping circles, I’ve always spoken to him as one civilized person to another, with my usual added sass and flair. With that said, never have I shown interest in Al or paid him special attention in comparison to everyone else we’ve been around. On this particular night, I was considerably more intoxicated than usual. Al felt comfortable approaching me at the bar as I ordered my drink.

He immediately insisted on paying for my vodka soda, stating “this is the only time I’ll ever get to buy you a drink…” Gentlemen: Please take note. Purchasing my drink is not the equivalent of me giving my consent to anything. In my book, you have my conversation until that drink is gone, at which time I am free to re-evaluate my interest and act accordingly. And so, with the purchase of that vodka soda, Al proceeded to voice his decryption of MJ’s “game”….

…long story short. Al had come to the absolute conclusion that the “wall” that I had up was because of my ex-boyfriend breaking my heart and I just really need to learn to trust again… (and he thinks I’m really attractive, blah blah blah…)

FYI, Al (and all other “Al’s” out there): I haven’t been with that ex you’re referring to in over 5 years (and ask anybody, I couldn’t be more over it.) I’ve dated since. Had serious feelings for someone since. And definitely let people in – I’m just highly selective about who those people are.

So, boys – don’t get mad… but sometimes, it’s not me. It’s you. Maybe we’re not “letting down our wall” because we don’t want you in there! There’s a reason why the phrase “to each his own” exists – and thank God! Everyone has their interests and sometimes, those brave enough to approach just don’t meet the requirements. And before you get all upset thinking “who’s does this bitch think she is, all on her high horse?!” Think about it…

There has totally been a time where some girl has shown interest and you’ve not been about it. Happens to me more often than not. And I’m ok with that. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. Awesome. Not everyone likes the spice and I sure as hell don’t like things without it…

Alright. Wrapping it up. The moral of the story is: sometimes it is you. Sometimes, it’s everyone. Just don’t always assume it’s not you. That’s all I’m saying. (And yes, I know this applies to me as well. I just said that! I’m not above the rule…)